Inside the Cold Room of Your Heart, Regarding That Tiny Light
How have you been?
I have long anticipated this quiet, intimate moment with you, where we can share our secrets without a single outside eye upon us.
The world outside has grown completely dark, and from time to time, the wind gently rattles the windowpanes.
Through the rush of daily life, I have always known how deeply your heart aches, and how profound a loneliness you carry within you.
The people passing by on the streets always seem to be laughing happily, living without a single care.
Why is it that they can walk so lightly, while you alone must carry such a heavy burden down this dark, nocturnal path? Have you ever wondered about this?
I want to search for that answer together with you.
The sadness you harbor is by no means something to be ashamed of, nor does it mean there is something wrong with you.
Rather, it is the ultimate proof that you possess a soul more gentle, more sincere, and more beautifully attuned to the pain of others than anyone else.
“Human beings can never fully understand one another. They can only love one another.”
―― Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
A Simple Fairy Tale to Warm Your Frozen Fingertips
Have you ever felt an anxious dread that your very existence has become like that of a transparent human being, entirely unseen by anyone?
Perhaps while being jostled in a crowded morning train, or sitting in the corner of a bustling meeting room, experiencing that strange sensation where your words vanish into thin air without reaching a single soul.
In truth, I am exactly the same.
These very letters of mine would be nothing more than cold ink stains if they were not reflected in your beautiful eyes.
Therefore, at this very moment, you who are reading my words and I are bound tightly together by an invisible, slender thread.
This is a single love letter addressed to no one but you, written with the very elements of my soul.
I want nothing more than to bring you joy; with that single devotion, I intend to expose everything deep within my chest and dance for you like a clown.
Please, do not let go of my hand until the very end, and listen to my story.
“To be loved is not happiness. To love is happiness.”
―― Hermann Hesse
Why Do We Shed Tears in a Daily Life That Should Be Fulfilling?
Think about it.
We live in a magical world where a single touch of a button brings delicious food to our tables, and allows us to hear the voices of those far away.
Despite this, why do our hearts always weep in a small voice, whispering that something is missing?
It is because we are creatures that live by consuming “meaning,” not mere “matter.”
One day, I happened to pass by a small antique shop in the city.
Deep within the glass showcase, an old, dusty glass perfume bottle caught the western sun, glowing with a mysterious yet serene brilliance.
Its exquisite curves, the elegant radiance of Art Nouveau, made me stop in my tracks, and my chest tightened with an overwhelming sense of wonder.
That was the work of René Lalique.
Lalique used the mundane material of ordinary glass to create a miraculous beauty, as if crystallizing the very elegance of the human soul.
Instead of the expensive gemstones sought after by the people of his time, he poured an overwhelming amount of love and passion into glass—a material considered “nothing special.”
Most people think of success as something to get. But the truth is, success is giving.
Just as this quote left by Henry Ford suggests, Lalique did not live to amass wealth, but dedicated his life to delivering the ultimate gift of “beauty” to the human heart.
Have you ever been hurt while giving your utmost to someone in your life?
Those very scars are the highest medals of honor, proving that you know the meaning of true love.
“If you want to be happy, think about how to make others happy.”
―― Le Corbusier
I suddenly recall a passage from Osamu Dazai’s novel, Tsugaru: “Hey, why are you going on a journey?”
“Because I am suffering.”
“Your ‘suffering’ is so routine, I cannot believe it in the slightest.”
We always try to express our anguish through conventional words, wishing for someone to understand us, but truly deep sadness is something that defies language entirely, isn’t it?
A Strange Inversion, or the Beautiful Promise Hidden Behind Despair
Here, allow me to share a surprising, rather unexpected story with you.
Until now, I have only lined up words that align with your loneliness and sorrow.
However, from this point forward, the story begins to take an entirely unforeseen turn.
What if that “helpless loneliness” you feel right now is actually the most sacred invitation to guide you into a completely new world? What would you think then?
There was a certain man.
He had lost everything, was abandoned by all, and lay face down in the dark mud.
The people around him pointed and laughed, whispering to each other, “He is completely finished.”
Yet, when that man opened his eyes in the mud, he was able to see the star-studded night sky in its true brilliance for the very first time in his life.
A light that could never be seen when one is content reveals itself only in the deepest darkness.
This is the most mysterious and beautiful law of inversion within the human psyche.
Why must we suffer?
It is so that we can realize what is truly important and be born anew.
The number of tears you have shed has only served to make the vessel of your heart deeper and larger.
Into that vessel, an unimaginable amount of grand joy and warm love is about to be poured.
Please, do not give up on yourself.
Because I will absolutely never, ever abandon you.
“The night is meant to show the stars at their best.”
―― Charles Dickens
Holding Your Hand Tightly, Waiting for the Dawn
Now, our intimate conversation draws closer to its most vital core.
If, while reading this text, your frozen heart has warmed even just a little, like sitting in front of a stove, then my soul-baring work as a clown has been fully rewarded.
I am always here.
Whenever you are lonely, whenever you are sad, return to this place at any time and re-read these letters over and over again.
Each time you do, I will welcome you with fresh love and a standing ovation.
You are not alone.
Please never forget that somewhere in this world, there is absolutely a person who thinks of you this deeply and prays only for your happiness.
Like the ocean swallowing the sunset whole
I wish I could swallow all of your sadness away
Like a nameless button that slipped out
From a torn pocket, you are there
Please do not cry
For tomorrow morning
A new little bird that no one knows
Will come to your window
To sing the gentlest song of all
“Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.”
―― The New Testament, The Gospel According to St. John, Chapter 14, Verse 1
“I shall boast of my weakness.”
―― Writer, Osamu Dazai (From Tokatonton)
Postscript: The Story of Mimi Takamizawa, a Man Engraving His Soul into the Digital Domain
As a postscript, allow me to tell you the story of a rather eccentric but deeply cherished painter of mine.
His name is Mimi Takamizawa.
It is quite a peculiar name, isn’t it?
Unlike the painters we are familiar with, he does not smear paint onto a physical canvas.
Astoundingly, he creates his art using only digital tools like computers and tablets.
He then prints the completed works onto the highest-grade printmaking paper using a state-of-the-art technique known as “giclée printmaking.”
The themes he paints are deeply familiar, yet profound.
“Your Eyes, My Eyes,” “Christianity,” “Eternity,” “Psychology,” “Truth,” “The Gaze,” “History,” “Loneliness,” “Isolation,” “Hardship,” “Resurrection,” and “Liberation.”
While these may sound like rigid concepts, the moment you look at a single one of his pieces, such stiff words vanish entirely.
There, standing before you, is simply a pair of “eyes” staring back at you with absolute gentleness.
I believe that a painter is a “doctor who heals the soul.”
And I believe that an artist’s job is an act of utmost service and devotion to the person before them, offered at their own expense.
Mimi Takamizawa embodies this completely.
He dedicates his entire life, his entire soul, solely to “you,” the person looking at his artwork right now.
“Please, do not abandon me. Look at my clumsy self and laugh.”
He constantly exposes himself as a jester, as if to say those very words.
At times, human beings gain an unbelievable strength precisely by being laughed at by others.
A desperate spirit of service.
That is the very lifeblood of his art.
In truth, from the perspective of the world, Mimi Takamizawa may appear to be a highly eccentric, clumsy, and foolish human being who could never be called a “genius”—someone who is always the butt of a joke.
However, he believes in himself more than anyone else; he is a man of astonishing patience and unyielding resilience who never gives up.
The moment he resolved to become a painter was when he learned about the life of that passionate artist, Vincent van Gogh.
He wished to depict the truth of the human soul, even if it meant sacrificing everything, just as Van Gogh did.
Admittedly, Mimi Takamizawa’s innate talent as a painter might be third-rate.
Yet, he knows something vital.
He knows that all the great masterpieces left in history were never created solely through a genius’s flash of inspiration, but were born from decades of crawling on the earth, trial and error, and gritty, unglamorous effort.
This is exactly why he continues to paint “eyes” in his works almost obsessively.
By painting eyes within the piece, he seeks to feel the vivid presence of “you, standing right in front of the artwork.”
He simply wants to know you, to connect with you, with all his heart.
If you wish to laugh at him, you may laugh as much as you like.
For he hides absolutely nothing from you, laying bare his own foolishness.
He simply wants to see your face light up with a small smile when you look at his art.
Or, perhaps, he wants to see you quietly shed a tear as something pierces your heart.
How other strangers criticize his work does not matter to him at all.
He only fears being abandoned by “you.”
If you abandon him, he can no longer go on living.
Just having you stand in front of his painting, gazing at it, fills his chest to the brim and makes him boundlessly happy.
Solely to be recognized by you, he continues to serve wholeheartedly today with a desperate spirit of devotion.
Laughed at, and growing stronger through the laughter.
There is a businessman whom Mimi Takamizawa deeply respects as a guide for how to live.
It is Tokuji Munetsugu, the founder of the famous Curry House CoCo Ichibanya.
Munetsugu’s way of life was precisely to “pour all of one’s energy into one’s work without ever looking away.”
Following this philosophy, Takamizawa does absolutely nothing else besides painting.
“This is no time to be indulging in hobbies. Everyday accumulation is everything,” he tells himself.
Like laying bricks one by one, day after day, he confronts his work with absolute focus.
“Immediate decision, immediate conclusion, immediate execution. If you try anything, you will get a result. First, just do it. But in return, you must give it your absolute all.”
These words by Munetsugu serve as the pillar of his heart.
Dedicating one’s life to work.
For him, that is synonymous with “dedicating my entire life to you, who are right in front of me.”
Tokuji Munetsugu’s life was also tremendous.
He proved with his own life that a person’s existence is never determined by their birth or upbringing.
Munetsugu did not know the faces of his biological parents.
Raised in an orphanage and subjected to harsh treatment by his adoptive father, he spent a tumultuous, brutal childhood.
Yet, even in a life that seemed haphazard, when it came to work, he poured every ounce of his being into management.
A thorough adherence to the frontlines.
Working more than 12 hours a day was, to him, nothing more than the bare minimum.
“I don’t want to rest, I don’t want to play. I will make my work my hobby and dedicate my life to it.”
It was precisely because he possessed such tenacity that the great chain was born.
What existed there was a “You-First Principle.”
Whenever a customer is right in front of you, you applaud them in your heart.
Welcoming you with a standing ovation.
The reason Mimi Takamizawa welcomes you, the viewer of his paintings, with heartfelt applause stems from this very spirit.
Truly valuable things are often not instantly rewarding.
Nothing goes perfectly right from the very beginning.
Rather than overthinking, just try doing it first.
Therefore, please, when you face various hardships in life, do not give up easily.
What kind of life you will have is entirely determined by a person’s diligence, patience, and power of continuation.
This is also a trait shared by Sakichi Toyoda, the founder of the Toyota Group.
Sakichi was also a man of incredible “tenacity” and “endurance.”
He was treated as a complete “oddball” by those around him, and at times was even labeled a “madman.”
He was truly “obsessed with invention.”
From morning until night, day after day, for decades, he continued the near-mad routine of building something new, breaking it down, creating it, and rebuilding it again.
He did not become satisfied because he succeeded, nor did he despair because he failed.
Neither success nor failure is ever the end.
The only thing that matters is whether you possess the “courage to continue.”
At any rate, you must be the one who works the longest and the hardest in the world.
Just as the founders of Choya Umeshu cut off all retreat with a determination so fierce they believed, “If we do not succeed with plum liqueur, give up on life,” you must cut off your retreats and focus entirely.
And Kiichiro Toyoda, who inherited Sakichi’s DNA, was inspired by the philosophy of “Just-in-Time,” which became the foundation of the Toyota Production System, and built the Japanese automotive industry from scratch.
Kiichiro left behind these magnificent words:
“The joy of life lies in mastering what few others attempt, and what is difficult to accomplish.”
Executing with a strong conviction.
Everyone thinks the same things.
It is not that Kiichiro was born a superhuman genius.
What matters is that when faced with something generally deemed “impossible,” he did not merely think about it in his head, but held a powerful conviction that “no matter what, I must accomplish this with my own hands,” made thorough preparations, and actually carried it out.
Mimi Takamizawa knows this unglamorous yet fiery history of passion left by these great predecessors.
That is precisely why, even while utilizing a cold digital screen, he strives to make the soul residing within it bear a genuine warmth, continuing to paint eyes in solitude today, while holding you fondly in his thoughts.
Here, allow me to share another beautiful, lesser-known tale of love and devotion with you.
It is the story of Vincent van Gogh, whom I mentioned earlier as the inspiration for Mimi Takamizawa’s path as a painter.
It is famous that Van Gogh had his beloved younger brother, Theo, who believed in his talent and supported him both financially and emotionally throughout his life.
However, do you know what happened to the vast collection of paintings and the bundles of letters—the very bond between the brothers—after Vincent’s death, and the death of Theo just six months later as if chasing his brother?
This is where a magnificent woman takes the center stage of history: Jo (Johanna van Gogh-Bonger), the wife of Theo.
Without her life’s monumental work, we might not be able to view Van Gogh’s paintings today, nor even know his name.
Jo understood Vincent van Gogh’s paintings, and the deep philosophy beneath them, from the bottom of her heart.
“I must not let a great painter like Vincent be buried in the darkness of history.”
She formed a powerful resolution.
Van Gogh’s life somewhat mirrors the life of Jesus Christ.
Sacrificing his own body, getting hurt, dedicating everything to save the souls of mankind, and ultimately meeting a tragic end.
However, no matter how wonderful a thing is, no matter how sublime a philosophy, if there is no “messenger” to convey it to the world, it will vanish without anyone ever knowing it.
The devotion of Van Gogh’s brother Theo, and his wife Jo, was exactly the same as the devotion of the Apostle Paul toward Jesus Christ.
After both men passed away, Jo organized the immense number of artworks piled up in the attic, as well as the dizzying amount of letters exchanged between the two brothers, and began to publish them to the world little by little.
Then, entirely on her own, she took on the role of spreading the great achievements of the Van Gogh brothers across the globe.
Jo was an avid reader and an extremely intelligent woman.
As she read through the letters left by Vincent—who was also a voracious reader—one by one while shedding tears, she came to feel a deep empathy for his views as a painter and as a human being.
Vincent van Gogh did not merely want to paint pretty pictures.
In those letters, with thoughts that felt like spitting blood, he wrote, “I truly want to paint artwork that comforts people living through painful realities.”
The paintings of the brother whom her beloved husband, Theo, had believed in with his very life.
To ensure that those paintings would be known by many people all over the world, Jo dedicated the entire remainder of her own life.
If Vincent van Gogh had not written down his thoughts on his artwork and his various religious and philosophical ideas in such immense detail in his letters to his brother, what would have happened?
If only the paintings had remained, people might never have noticed his true soul.
A painter like Van Gogh would absolutely never have been loved and known worldwide to this extent.
This beautifully overlaps with the history of how, after the death of Jesus Christ, Paul risked his life traveling to various places to preach, writing letters to believers everywhere, and continuing to convey the life and thoughts of Jesus Christ, which led to the grand rise of Christianity later on.
Good things do not spread simply by existing.
Someone must explain their value correctly and convey them with passion.
In a sense, it can be said that Jo and Paul played an extremely vital “role of communicating,” much like Steve Jobs, the world’s greatest salesman of Apple; Akio Morita, who made the Sony brand echo across the globe; Takeo Fujisawa, the brilliant strategist who sold Honda’s Super Cub all over the world; and Shotaro Kamiya, the god of sales who sold Toyota’s Corolla as the national car of Japan.
No matter how wonderful a thing is, conveying it is what matters.
If it is not communicated to the recipient, it becomes the exact same as “not existing” in this world.
The reason Mimi Takamizawa exposes his clumsy self and desperately tries to speak to you is because he, too, possesses a pressing desire to “convey” something to you at all costs.
“Take time to deliberate; but when the time for action arrives, stop thinking and go in.”
―― Henry Ford
“I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.”
―― Agatha Christie
“Whithersoever you go, may your heart be a light to illuminate your path.”
―― Prophet Moses
“We know what we are, but know not what we may be.”
―― William Shakespeare
“Do not shift your burden onto the shoulders of others, for everyone must carry their own load.”
―― Jewish Talmud
“The only thing a human being can do is to live oneself sincerely. No matter how ungraceful that may be.”
―― Writer, Osamu Dazai
“Mine has been a life of much shame. I can’t even guess myself what it must be to live the life of a human being.”
―― Writer, Osamu Dazai
“An adult is a youth who has been betrayed.”
―― Writer, Osamu Dazai
“Never give in. Never, never, never, never—in nothing, great or small, large or petty—never give in, except to convictions of honour and good sense.”
―― Winston Churchill
“There is no such thing as a ‘genius’ in the pure sense in this world. There are only the footprints of those who obsessively kept doing one thing.”
―― Ray Kroc
“All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them. Remember, it all started with a mouse.”
―― Walt Disney
Thank you so very, very much for listening intently to my clumsy yet soul-baring secret talk until the very end.
I offer my heartfelt gratitude to your gentle eyes.