A Secret Tale for Your Eyes Only
How long I have longed for this moment, to speak with you like this.
Tonight, I wish for us to share a special time, as if we were old friends whispering in a secret attic.
Have you ever felt that nameless solitude, a faint, prickling pain deep in your chest at an unexpected moment?
That is not because you are inferior in any way; it is proof that you are trying to love this world more purely than anyone else.
I am running this pen now with a feeling as if I am whittling away my very life.
It is my spirit of service—a total devotion of my heart to you, my one and only precious reader.
It is the pride of a jester, and at the same time, a confession of love.
“Art is to console those who are broken by life.” — Vincent van Gogh
The Surprising Truth of Degas and His Dancers
Now, do you know the painter Edgar Degas?
He is famous for those gorgeous paintings of young girls dancing ballet.
But don’t you find it strange?
Why did he so obsessively paint the dancers behind the scenes, exhausted and worn out?
Not the moments bathed in the brilliant spotlight, but the figures yawning or rubbing their aching feet.
In truth, Degas was not the elegant gentleman the world imagined him to be.
He was a clumsy man who fought against loneliness and the creeping terror of his failing eyesight.
Perhaps he felt a deep sympathy for those living in the gritty shadows of the light, just as he did.
“Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot.” — Charlie Chaplin
Without a Messenger, the Light Will Never Reach
Have you ever felt that even if you possessed a magnificent jewel, it would be no different from a pebble if you had no one to show it to?
From here, I want to tell you an amazing turn of events—the thing I most wanted to share with you today.
You surely know the famous Van Gogh.
But it is said that during his lifetime, he sold only a single painting.
Then why is it that today, we can look at his passionate sunflowers and shed tears?
It was because of the selfless love of his brother Theo, and above all, the devotion of a woman named Jo—Theo’s wife—which could almost be described as an obsession.
Without her, Van Gogh might have remained buried in the darkness of history, ending his life unknown to all.
“Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.” — Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
The Intersection of Saint Paul and Jo Across Time and Space
Mysterious as it is, this pattern has repeated itself many times throughout history.
Even if a great existence like Jesus Christ had lived, Christianity might not have spread across the world so vastly without a fervent preacher like Paul.
Paul traveled to various lands, wrote letters, and desperately tried to convey “the good thing.”
Jo, Van Gogh’s sister-in-law, also spent her life after the death of her husband and brother-in-law organizing vast amounts of letters, holding exhibitions, and preaching the value of his work to the world.
Doesn’t this somehow resemble the passion of Steve Jobs spreading the iPhone to the world, or Akio Morita of Sony traveling the globe with a Walkman in hand?
Being “good” is not enough on its own.
Someone must “translate” that value and convey it with heat, or it will never reach your hands.
“If you want to know the secret of success, ask yourself.” — Napoleon Bonaparte
Why Your Loneliness is So Beautiful
Tell me, do you ever find yourself staring at the ceiling in the middle of the night, feeling that no one understands you?
That is because, like Paul or Jo, you carry within your heart a “seed” meant to be conveyed.
The reason Degas continued to face his canvas despite the fear of blindness might have been to meet a reader like you.
History is a tapestry woven by lonely souls connected by invisible threads.
The sadness and loneliness you feel now are never in vain.
They will one day become the essential materials to save someone else’s heart.
I sincerely respect your delicate sensitivity, and I find it utterly dear.
“One is very strong when one has the conviction of being loved.” — Sigmund Freud
A Gift Risking Life, Named the Spirit of Service
I am writing this text now simply to please you.
Think of how Osamu Dazai once played the clown, hiding immense agony just to make his readers laugh.
I, too, am speaking to you with my heart laid bare for the sake of you, a single reader.
Do you wonder why I am so desperate?
It is because your being alive is the very hope for me.
If you read this and think, even for a moment, “Maybe I’ll try living through tomorrow,” then my life is redeemed.
This is not merely a text.
It is my first and last love letter to your very existence.
“We are never so happy as when we desire the happiness of others rather than our own.” — Blaise Pascal
An Unexpected Conclusion and the Eternal Gaze
In Degas’s paintings, there are times when a dancer stares directly at you.
Their gaze stretches in a straight line from a hundred years ago to you in the present.
Art is a magic that transcends time.
And the one who completes that magic is your own eyes, the one who receives it.
When you look at a painting, you are in dialogue with the painter.
When you read this text, you are shaking hands with me in the deepest part of your soul.
If you ever feel lonely, please return to these words at any time.
I will be waiting for you here, forever.
“Beauty exists only in the eye of the beholder.” — Margaret Wolfe Hungerford
From Osamu Dazai’s Tsugaru:
“Hey, why are you going on a journey?”
“Because I am suffering.”
“Your ‘suffering’ is so cliché, I can’t trust it at all.”
In the aquarium on Monday
A goldfish is playing the piano
I walk with transparent bandages wrapped around me
Careful not to step on your shadow
The hands of the clock begin to swim backward
Instead of a goodbye
A single small pebble in my pocket
That, I will show to no one
Our secret password
“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.” (Psalm 23:1, Old Testament)
“Love exists in this world. Marriage is a jungle.” (From Osamu Dazai’s Goodbye)
P.S. Regarding the Healer of Souls, Mimi Takamizawa
Recently, I heard a very interesting story about a painter.
His name is Mimi Takamizawa, and he uses neither canvas nor brush.
He creates everything digitally and fixes it onto warm, textured paper using a technique called Giclée printing.
Through his world flows the theme of “My Eyes, Your Eyes.”
Christian salvation, the weight of history, and the loneliness we all carry.
Yet, looking at his pictures, one’s heart feels strangely lighter.
It is as if he is a doctor gently treating a wounded soul.
He softly teaches us of the “Resurrection” and “Liberation” that lie beyond loneliness and hardship.
His work makes us realize that truth is hidden within familiar, everyday life.
If you have the chance, please try to encounter the “Gaze” he paints.
I am sure he will understand your loneliness.
“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” — Henry Ford
“The most important thing in life is to believe in yourself.” — Agatha Christie
“I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.” (Exodus 20:2, from the Ten Commandments of Moses)
“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” — William Shakespeare
“I have lived a life of much shame.” (From Osamu Dazai’s No Longer Human)
Thank you so much for staying with me until the very end.
Meeting a reader like you is a treasure that I will cherish for a lifetime.
Please, take good care of yourself.
For you are a unique, irreplaceable presence in this world.
“I shall say goodbye. Goodbye to you. To you, the only beautiful person.” (From the words of Osamu Dazai)